I'm staying in this place with two big mirrors in the bathroom. I don't have mirrors at home like these- here, they span the entire sink counter, which is wide, and red. If I'm naked, I can see my own behind perfectly. I can see how usual curves, over time, have inexplicably but expectedly, shifted in crucial aesthetic areas. the texture has changed as well. Namely the middle. I have two tucheses. And not just in the mirror. There is a height that I am pleased with, and a lower "underbooty" as R. Collins calls it. The central facets, however, have gone from ideally convex toward medium flat.
For the last five days, I've been wowed by the changes in my own behind. Aging in real time- my radically present self can get down with this as a concept and reality... it's cool. I promised myself early on that I would make aging as easeful as possible, and I've stuck with it. I look with curiosity, because otherwise, in conjunction with photo filters and any contemporary media, I'd lose my mind over "reality" like so many before me. Not good for anyone.
I move into the bedroom, showering before practice, and take my seat. I've got this meditation thing on for the moment- it ebbs and flows and i know that and if I can sit for just a hot stinkin' minute, my day is forever blessed and productive. I've tested it. Taken data and looked at it. It's proven.
Onward.
I crack the door, and I feel can hear the light wind. I peek through closed eyes, and witness a tree by the creek. It's tilted. The wind done tilted it. Going at 20 degrees I suspect... in plain sun, it's turnt on tilt. The wind got to it, pushed it in a direction. Now it leans. It's not suffering- still likely to bloom and bear the fruit of leaves later this spring, but it's just not as upright. Kind of like my tuchus. Not. Quite. Upright.
Sure, uprightness in the context of yoga and contemplative practices has little to do with the anatomy of trees, or tuchuses for that matter. But there is evidence in trees, aging booties, and anything that requires time to grow and see outcomes, that the winds of impact are
Road hard and put away wet. (*in the spent sense)
Lookin' beat.
Crooked Soul.
(*others?! I wish my grandmother was here to answer that.)
Just as attention fades from the back of life towards the front, we, too are influenced by the harsher winds, and it takes a moment to be able to define and witness them. I think here of the pancha vayus- the pranic winds that cultivate an energetic practice. We speak often of opening up the heart, and the back of the heart. But what about the back of the spine, the back legs, and drawing energy from there? I began to try it, and made a little "sequence"- truly of notice than of asana.
But there's more to it than asana. It's also what AOC said recently. The winds have driven across not only our bodies, but also through our politics and our land. I'm surprised we are not all completely askew.
I'm trying this on, bared down and bear with me.
The soul, like the body, also leans back as it is slapped by the winds of influence. The soul, potentially (and for some and me, definitely) connected to the earth, has also been slapped by winds of influence. And, over time, we have become completely askew. Askew to the point where we are not sure what is up, down, or around.
Sometimes a breeze, starting out as a resurfacing, quickly moving toward a lean-back (says Fat Joe), and then forms a karmic impression that can show up physically as, potentially, an on-your-heels impression. Can really do a number on the foundation, perhaps blowing out some of that topsoil of soul, leaving the skeleton unprotected. The millions of years and infinite lifetimes naked, very cold or very hot, or very dry or very cold, and confused.
Apana vayu- that grounding, straight down to the ground- that one- exercise that one. That's a good one. Make sure that root system is, well, rooted and digesting properly. Drive it straight down, breath through the feet, into the earth. Almost good enough, but reactive.
If there was a place in hell, heaven, or samsara even- where we could begin to tease out the winds that are bearing down on us... if we could inhale the vayus to protect the earth, then perhaps- perhaps, my tuchus, and the entire world, would be far better shaped.
1. finish the narrative
2. practices (video?)
3. add drawings